


I can't believe my kouhai did this to me (even though it was unintentional)

by Kidkiddo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, look at me with all my rarepairs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-01-30 04:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12645753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kidkiddo/pseuds/Kidkiddo
Summary: Oikawa and Ushiwaka's dear kouhais Shirabu and Yahaba goes on a date together and they 'need moral support'. Who do they ask? Their captains ofc. The story where Shirabu and Yahaba made bad decisions that lead to good endings. Somehow. Hopefully.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This hit me at 3 a.m. while scrolling through bnha hell, and I just wanted to write it. And to procrastinate on the ever growing pile of homework and my other fanfic, ofc

"Yaha-chan, why have you been standing in front to the club room door for 10 minutes?"

Yahaba turned, and his eyes showed discomfort, maybe even fear. "Ah, Oikawa-san," he stammered. "I, umm, was just pondering if I should do my Japanese lit. or my biology assignment first?" His voice sounded more like a questions than an answer.

Tooru had to restrain himself from smirking. His kouhai didn't lie to him often, but when he did, he knew it was to hide something big and probably some juicy romance. The first time Yahaba lied to him, it was about how he was traumatized by a confession from a girl from the same class. As always, Tooru will find out what he was hiding.

"Mm, we had the same biology assignment as you from last year. I recommend you do that one first. It'll take longer than you expect, trust me."

"Ah, thank you, Oikawa-san."

"And Yaha-chan?" Tooru gave him a kind smile. At this point, everybody in Aoba Johsai knew that smile did not indicate kindness, but suffering.

"Yes?" His voice came out more like a squeak.

"Taihei-chan told me that he for once didn't have any biology homework today, and I believe he's in your class. Also, Shin-chan told me that you miraculously finished your Japanese lit. during lunch and he's jealous of you because the only homework you have tonight is 5 pages of math review."

Yahaba let out a incoherent sound.

Tooru smiled even wider, and this is usually where Iwa-chan usually stops him and talks it out with his kouhai like the good senpai he is instead of harassing them to give them information. But Iwa-chan is 3 hours away at his grandparent's house for the weekend and there is nobody to stop him from finding out the shorter boy’s secrets.

"So tell me what's bothering you, Yaha-chan. Was Mad-dog-chan being a little shit again?" Tooru inspected him. "Oooh, is it, perhaps," he gave a dramatic pause. "Romantic struggles?"

Yahaba turned red, and he knew he hit the jackpot.

Tooru burst out laughing. "Hahaha, who knew my little kouhai would follow in my footsteps?”

“Huh?"

“It's a confession, isn't it? I thought I told you how to deal with them long ago.”

Yahaba slowly shook his head.

Tooru cocked his head. "Hmm? Is it unrequited love?"

Again, Yahaba shook his head. Now Tooru was confused. What other problems could be related to love? Maybe-

"Actually, um," Yahaba rubbed his neck. "I'm going on a date tonight."

Tooru looked at his kouhai, and disbelief set in.

"Oh my god, are you sure she isn't gonna dump you because you're too committed to volleyball and can't go on dates with her? And you get a lot of confessions, right? Are you sure she wouldn't be jealous of all the girls?"

"Um, i-it's, actually, um, another guy?" Tooru paused, and looked at his kouhai. "And no, he won't dump me because I put too much time into volleyball. We'll not all you, Oikawa-san. Some of us can actually keep a lover for more than 3 weeks, like Watari."

Tooru put his hand over his chest, and pretended to wipe a tear. "So mean, Yaha-chan. I can't believe you sassed your captain like that. Mattsun and Makki would be proud. Do you want fashion advice?"

"Er, no. It's something else."

"Oh. But I can't believe I ever thought you were straight!” The shorter boy gave his captain a look of horror. The reason he didn't ask Tooru was because he would see endless torment and teasing. When it comes to love, the captain lingered on that topic even longer than Makki and Mattsun.

"Anyway, that still doesn't explain why you were standing there, in the middle of December, for 10 minutes."

"Um, I was actually wondering where Iwaizumi-san was, and whether I should ask Kyoutani or him. Watari has class today, so I need somebody else."

"Oh, Iwa-chan's on the way to his grandparents right now, and Kyoutani is taking care of his sister," he made a dismissive gesture with his hand. Tooru knew all these things about his team members because he pried at them for personal information until they finally succumbed, telling him it just to shut him up. He may seem forgetful, yet he remembers all this detail of other people down to the most trivial detail.

And then when their vice-captain, Iwaizumi, found out, he lectured Tooru to have a little sense for personal space until the teachers told them to leave.

"What were you gonna ask?" Tooru asked.

"I need moral support. For my date." Yahaba's face coloured.

Tooru looked at him, and barked a laugh. "Pft, moral support? And you were gonna ask Iwa-chan? Even Mattsun and Makki would be better suited!" It was then Tooru had a devious idea. "Hmm..." he smirked, not bothering to cover it up this time. "Mad-dog-chan would probably bite the heads off your date and everyone around you. Makki and Mattsun has a date of their own tonight, where they're probably gonna make out on the couch while watching some shitty movie.”

“You think any movie that doesn’t include aliens is shitty, Oikawa-san.”

“Nonsense. I liked the The Lion King very much.” Yahaba masked his laughter with a cough.

“But anyways, how 'bout I go with you today, Yaha-chan? I don't mind being a 3rd wheel. I can probably get a date myself tonight, and it can be a double date!"

To everyone's surprise, Yahaba didn't say no. It was either nerves or desperation. It didn't matter, because he pretty much sealed Oikawa's fate. "Um, okay. Not the double date part though. You can go home any time you want, too."

"Yay!" Tooru punched the air. "So, who is it with? Where is it? When is it?"

"At the little park across the mall in 30 minutes."

Tooru gasped. "We have to hurry, then!" Tooru and Yahaba started sprinting to the road and to the nearest bus stop. Halfway there, Tooru abruptly stopped and looked at Yahaba in horror.

"Yaha-chan."

"What's wrong?"

"You can't just wear that to your date!" He looked at Yahaba's school uniform in repugnance. Seijou's uniform was already unfashionable enough, but Yahaba's were wrinked at the edges, which showed hastiness when ironing.

Yahaba internally faced palmed. "Really, it's fine. My date wouldn't mind. He's probably going to wear his school uniform there too. It's right after his practice."

"No, I don't allow that, Yaha-chan. Come to my house, we're about the same height. I'll get you some clothes."

And that's how they arrived 20 minutes late, though it's fine, because at least Yahaba was (a little too) well dressed. That's what Tooru thought, anyway, but the other boy thought the opposite.

"Oh no, he might think I ditched on him!" Yahaba said, fidgeting his fingers frantically.

"It's fine, just text him and say you're going to be fashionably late."

"It's 20 minutes, not 5!"

On the bus, Oikawa spammed messages across the Seijou group chat that his dear kouhai’s finally got a date. Iwaizumi swore that he was gonna drive there to kick Oikawa’s ass.

When they got there, Tooru realized he was still missing a tiny, insignificant, little detail.

"By the way, who are you seeing?" he asked Yahaba just when they got off the bus.

"Oh! Um, they're right there."

Oikawa Tooru turns to see Yahaba pointing at none other than Ushijima Wakatoshi sitting on a bench near the park, and he immediately regrets everything.

* * *

 

Shirabu Kenjirou supposed that he had better people to ask, but he was a man of pride. So when a certain senpai (*cough cough* Tendou Satori) dares to take their team captain to the date he has with creampuff aka Yahaba Shigeru, he does it to prove Tendou wrong and to get 10 bucks from Semi.

He expected asking this socially awkward ace to be the 3rd wheel at his date would be extremely awkward, and he would had to explain everything to him. He was right. It went a little like this:

"A third wheel?" Ushijima cocked his head.

"It's, er, someone out of a trio whom is seemingly the least relevant. Usually it's a couple and another person." He had to search that up from urban dictionary.

"Oh. Why do you need another person though?”

"Um," Shirabu tried to come up with a good answer. "because moral support and no one else is available that night?"

"Oh. Okay." Anyone who knew Shirabu well enough would know that he does not ask for moral support no matter what because, again, he was a man of pride. Ushiwaka knew that, of course, the ace and the setter had to have a good bond with each other, but he was too kind to say anything.

"What date?" Ushijima asked.

"Huh?

"What date are you going on?"

"The, one with my boyfriend?"

"But what date?"

And then it hit him. "The date I was talking about is when 2 people who like each other go somewhere together." He heard a laugh poorly disguised as a cough behind him. _I will kill Semi later._

"Oh." Ushiwaka frowned. "I thought it was just the year, month, and day."

"Yeah, er, it’s that too.” Shirabu felt extremely awkward. “But the time is tonight at 7. We can go together after practice?"

"Sure."

"Thanks." Shirabu walked away, going to class 5 minutes before so he could review the chemistry test in 3rd period. He heard a chuckle behind him.

"Yo, Shirabu!" he saw Semi and Tendou walking up. "You mind if we film your date?" He saw the smug smile on Semi's face.

"Hell no."

"You can thank us 10 years from now!" Tendou sing-songed, and Shirabu knew his date would be pretty much ruined if he didn't get rid of them. He also made a mental note to not kiss his date until he made sure they were gone.

The bell rang, and Shirabu managed a passionate "fuck" under his breath.

"Language, Shiratorizawa's chibi-chan~." Semi sang.

Shirabu glared at him. "I'm small, alright, but I can and will kick your ass."

"Hey, that's no way to treat your senpai~."

Shirabu kicked his ass, and ran to his first class.

"My cute little boy, all grown up." Tendou wiped a tear. "Nice kick too." Semi smacked him.

"You two, what are you still doing in the hallway? You're late!" yelled a teacher.

"FUCK!"

As they ran, they could swear that they could hear Shirabu say, "Language, you big-assed trees.”

* * *

 

"YOU'RE DATING USHIWAKA-CHAN?!"

"No, Oika-"

"ASDFGHJKL!!" Tooru grabbed Yahaba's shoulders. "YOU'RE MAKING A VERY BAD CHOICE HERE, MISTER, AND YOU CAN STILL TURN BACK, SO TURN THE FUCK BACK! THE BUS STOP IS RIGHT THERE, LET'S PRACTICE YOUR SERVE FOR ANOTHER HOUR WHEN WE GET BACK, YEAH?"

"Um, Oikawa-san, I'm not dating Ushijima-san. Wrong person. They just have the same jacket."

Tooru stopped, and sighed in relief. "Thank the fucking gods." If the future captain of Seijou were to be dating Ushiwaka, their ultimate rival, he would put Mad dog-chan as captain just to piss Yahaba off. He looked at Ushiwaka. "Then why is he here?"

"Shirabu said that he needed 'moral support'." Yahaba huffed. "Moral support, my ass! I'll bet my setting skills that it was to get 10 bucks from a teammate or something."

"Bet all you want. It's not you have much setting skills in the first place anyways," came a voice behind him. It was a boy wearing a Shiratorizawa jacket, holding 2 cups of coffee. He had a strange hairstyle that included perfect bangs. Tooru wondered how many times he went to the hairdresser to get his bangs so perfect. He also did not realize how much tension was in Yahaba's shoulder until he saw the boy, and relaxed.

"Um, this is," Tooru scratched his head. "Shiratorizawa's libero, Shion Kenji?"

Shirabu's eye twiched. "Er, I actually play the same position as you. And my name is Shirabu Keijirou."

“Mm? You’re pretty short. Do you jump really high, like Karasuno's chibi-chan?”

Yahaba hummed, and put his head on Shirabu's. "He's not wrong, Chibi-chan~”

"Fuck off." Shirabu muttered, and laced his fingers with Yahaba's.

"Mm. I don't like that you're dating someone from Shiratorizawa, but as long as it's not Ushiwaka, it's fine, I suppose. He's the absolute worst."

"What do you mean? It’s definitely Tendou who’s the worst," said Shirabu. “Everyone says so.”

"Our captain," Yahaba whispered to Shirabu, "has a ‘little’ obsession with yours."

Tooru threw him a glare. "Not."

Shirabu looked back and forth between them. "Ah, er, ok." He then turned to Tooru."Oikawa-san, Shige- Yahaba and I going into the park, ok? Maybe you and Ushijima-san could go to the mall together. You guys still didn't eat dinner, right? You must be hungry."

"I'll pa-"

"Of course." Ushiwaka stood up and walked over, finally joining the converstation. He looked around, like he was looking for something. "Have fun. Tendou and Semi disappeared a few minutes ago." Ushikawa frowned. "I wonder why." Tooru saw the other setter smirk deviously, and he thought that even though Chibis are The Smol _™ ,_ they are filled with more rage than any other creature on earth.

Tooru turned to Yahaba. “Give me some money.”

“Why?”

“So I can pay for my bus fee.”

“No.”

“What?” Tooru exclaimed. “I thought you said I can go home anytime I’d liked!”

“It’s not like you have much homework! And I think you should have a little, ah, _bonding_ time with your fellow captain.”

He could tell that he wasn’t getting that money anytime soon; this time, he knew, his kouhai was unpersuadable.

Tooru sighed. "Just tell me when you have matches; I'd like to see the sexual tension on the court first hand."

Shirabu and Yahaba both flushed red.

"That means fuck you Yahaba! Give me some money to get back!" Yahaba gave him a wink.

"Maybe after my date."

Tooru stuck his middle finger up at him.

"Oikawa. Let's go. It's cold outside, and you're only wearing a jacket." Ushiwaka draped his jacket on him, but Tooru brushed him off.

"I'll rather freeze than wear the Shiratorizawa jacket." He shivered. He would make sure to give his kouhai extra practice for a month! He came all the way here to tease his kouhai about being flustered, but then he goes on confidently to snog his boyfriend? And worst of all, his rival, Ushiwaka, came with Yahaba's date, and now he's stuck with him with no money, as he forgot his wallet and relied on Yahaba for transportation.

Ushiwaka took off his scarf and wrapped it around Tooru. He wanted to protest, but he could feel his stone cold fingers losing feeling, and he was glad for that little bit of warmth from the scarf, already warm. He let out a little breath, and looked at it turn to mist and disappear.

"I don't suppose you can give me money to go home?"

"Yahaba and Shirabu made me promise not to. I can pay for food though."

Tooru gave Ushiwaka his deadliest glare. If he had looked in a mirror, he'd know it has the opposite effect than what he intended.

The light turned green, and they crossed the street. Tooru didn't notice the flickering lights on the trees around the mall when he arrived, but he noticed that they shined like candle in a dream, warm and glowing. He then looked down and realized Ushiwaka had slipped on gloves on his left hand without him noticing, and was now offering the other one to him. Tooru took it, refusing to thank him. He then realized Ushiwaka's hand was trembling. Then, feeling remorse, put the left glove on him, and slipped his his hand between his That way, the hands that weren't entwined had gloves on, and the hands that didn't have gloves had each other's. Tooru immediately flushed, turning his face from rosy pink to crimson as fast as his heart beated.

The moment they entered the mall, he felt like he's snapped out of a trance. He immediately released his hand and returned the taller male's glove and scarf. "Th-thanks," he muttered, struggling to remain a neutral expression. Ushiwaka looked him directly in the eye. "You're welcome."

Tooru finds himself hating the 5.2cm height difference between he and Ushikawa even more than Iwaizumi hated the 5cm between him and Tooru. He hated the way Ushiwaka had to lower his chin slightly to look at him directly. He hated everything about him, from the way he moved, standing tall with pride, and and the way he talked, his monotone voice never betraying no emotion other than pride and hatred. He looked up at him again when they made a beeline for the cafeteria, noticing his coffee brown eyes, usually intense in the game, soften. He hated them too, he told himself.

When they went to order food, Tooru tried not to notice the looks they've got. It wasn't like he wasn't used to it; girls are attracted to him like magnets. It was the fact that Ushiwaka got looks too. Normally, when he was out with one of his teammates, people didn't spare them a look when Tooru was next to them. The only exception was at the beach, where Iwaizumi hogged all the attention because of his gorgeous muscles and Tooru behind him, pouting and calling him bara-chan. Tooru could swear Iwaizumi even made some guys turn gay, including Kindaichi.

 _What do people even find attractive about Ushiwaka-chan, anyway?_ Tooru thought, and found himself unconsciously pouting. Ushiwaka noticed and gave him a look, but didn't say anything.

 _He’s ok looking, though he has such a shit personailty! You can barely approach him without being traumatized. Was it his eyes that are surprising soft or was it his solid presence? Maybe it's because he's hot and tall? Definitely that one,_ Tooru thought.

 _Maybe-_ Huh? When did he find Ushiwaka hot? _No, no,_ thought Tooru, _I was just stating what girls might think._

For some reason, he thought he could hear Makki and Mattsun screaming "Why the fuck you lying, why you always lying, mm, oh my god, stop fucking lying!"

After that, they both settled down at a table at the far end of the cafeteria, Ushiwaka with a bowl of Hayashi rice and Tooru with pasta, soda, and 3 side servings with an extra plate of dessert. Just to get at Ushiwaka, of course.

They sat tensely, and though it was silent except for the sound of chewing, Tooru's mind was raging.

Hatred wormed their way into his mind, bringing back memories from the past 3- no, 6 years. Every single match he played with Ushiwaka ended up as defeat. He thought they could beat him in high school, pull together a team that is good enough using combinations and tactics, but nothing has changed. The resentment he felt against Ushiwaka was coming back and growing every moment he sat with him, could feel it pulsing though his body. _It was because of him, it was all because of him, Iwa-chan started doubting himself because of him._

He slammed a hand on the table, somehow managing not to spill everything. Ushiwaka jumped, and people gave him looks. Tooru was equally as surprised at him, though it didn't show on his face.

"Excuse me." He stood up and went to the bathroom, his hand numb from gripping his seat so tightly. When he got there, he shut himself in a stall and took deep breaths, trying to calm down. He tried to remember what he told Iwaizumi to do when he had anxiety attacks.

After a few minutes, he went back. He must've stayed in there longer than he thought, because Ushiwaka asked, "Are you ok-"

"So, Ushiwaka-chan, how are you?" Tooru cut him off, not wanting to discuss anything personal with him "Still awkward with girls and being socially unapproachable?"

Ushiwaka looked up from his food. "Well, my friend Honoka sprained her ankle while playing tennis last week. Shame too. They had a tournament a few days later, and it looked pretty bad on her team, since she was captain. Also, please refrain from calling me that."

"Oya, when did you have a social life, Ushiwaka-chan?" Tooru was genuinely surprised he had friends.

"Ah! Does having 5000 followers on some app called instagram count as having a social life? Akari-san said something like that a while back."

 _Ick!_ Tooru thought. _Even I only have 5537 followers!_

"Hm? You have friends?" asked Tooru. He knew he was getting petty, but Ushiwaka, out of all people, have 5000 followers! He wasn't going to let that slide. Also it surprised him, Ushiwaka having female friends. It made him uncomfortable.

Ushiwaka thought about it. Apparently he couldn't come up with an answer, because he took his phone out and started dialing a number.

"Hello, it's Ushijima. Tendou, are we friends?"

Tooru choked on his soda, and broke out in a violent cough. He could hear manical laughter on the other side of the phone.

"Oh, okay, sorry to bother you." Ushiwaka started dialing another phone number.

"Hello, it's Ushijima. Honoka-san, are we friends?"

This time, he could hear violent coughing on the other side of the phone.

"Oh, okay, sorry to bother you." Ushiwaka put his phone back into his pocket and turned to Tooru. "The answer is yes."

"Um, okay. Was that a One Piece phone case I saw?"

"Yes. It was a present from Tendou for my birthday."

"Mm. I don't really much manga and watch much anime. I really liked No.6 and Shingeki no Kyōjin though, Eren and Levi are totally canon."

"Yes, I liked those two. But I must say that Levi and Erwin, and Eren and Mikasa are better together."

"Ok, first of all, Ereri is 100% canon. Levi canonically thinks that he thinks Eren is the best at cleaning, and we all know cleaning is life for Levi."

"But Levi canonically said that Erwin is irreplaceable for him."

"Yes, but that's just a brotp!"

"That's like saying Nezumi and Shion are just bros."

"No, it's completely different! They actually kissed twice and slept in the same bed probably more than twice! Erwin and Levi never did that!"

"Who knows? Eren and Levi is still less likely to do that. And Levi canonically trust Erwin the most."

"Ereri has more shippers and fanfics."

"It doesn't matter. A better ship is a better ship."

Tooru put his hand over his chest, offended. “What the fuck did you just fucking say about my ship, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about my otp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown like your petty little ship. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”

“Did yo- you didn’t.”

And then they hold small banter for the rest of the time, discussing volleyball to tv shows to politics.

* * *

 

When Shirabu and Yahaba do arrive at the mall 2 hours later, Ushiwaka used up 4000 yen on food and dessert already. That wasn't what surprised them. It was that Oikawa and Ushiwaka were having a heated debate about which American movie was the best.

"I never heard our captain say so many words in one sitting," Shirabu stood there, spooked out. "I never even knew he can even show emotion."

"That's rather rude to your captain."

"It's true though."

Yahaba stood there with his jaw slightly hanging. "What. The. Fuck." He turned to Shirabu. "From the 1st day I went to Seijou, Oikawa had been salty whenever the subject of Ushiwaka- no, whenever the subject of Shiratorizawa was brought up. And now they're pretty much best friends!"

"Isn't your ace best friends with him?"

"No, Iwaizumi-san is more like his mom. Or the Mom Friend _™_."

"Mm. Kinda like Reon."

Yahaba went up to them. "Oikawa-san."

"Fuck you, Ushiwaka-chan, Star Wars and Star Trek will always be the best!"

"Pacific Rim is better. Just because it has more movies than Pacific Rim doesn't mean it's better."

Yahaba shook his head, Shirabu behind him stifling laughter.

"Oikawa Tooru-san."

"You've watched Pacific Rim more recently though. Things you watch more recently seem better."

"And you watched Star Wars more recently too. I bet you didn't even give Pacific Rim a fair chance."

"OIKAWA-SAN!"

Oikawa screamed. "WHAT THE HELL? DON'T SNEAK UP ON US LIKE THAT!"

Yahaba sighed. "We called your name 3 times."

"W-well, still! Don't do that!"

"Okay, okay. Don't you still have homework?"

Oikawa widened his eyes. "Oh shit."

"Exactly. It's 9:30 already. And tell your new bestie over there to get home too."

Oikawa flushed. "He's not my 'bestie'!"

At that, Shirabu grinned. "Whatever you say. We all know it's more than just a bestie."

"You devils,” said Oikawa, “you are perfect for each other."

"I know we are." He kissed Yahaba.

"Ugh. PDA."

Yahaba was as red as a tomato, barely stuttering out, "L-let'-s, g-go" and attempting (and failing) to whack Shirabu.

"Why are you suddenly so shy, Shigeru? You weren't like that last night."

"Heh." Oikawa smirked. "No wonder you were clumsy during practice." He could've sweared Yahaba was this close to exploding. Yahaba was gaping like a fish, face turning ten times as red as before. Oikawa’s jaw hang open, then catching Shirabu’s gaze and grinning like an idiot.

“Can we please trade Yaha-chan with you, Shira-chan?”

“Only if you stop calling me that.”

“Aww. But no.” He then patted Yahaba on the back. “Hold yourself together, I need to get my homework done.”

"Bye, Oikawa,” a voice came from behind him.

Oikawa flashed him a smile. "Have a crappy life, Ushiwaka, until we meet again."

"I'm sure I will.”

Yahaba poked at Oikawa hard, seemingly recovered from his earlier love trance. "We have to go! The bus is arriving in a minute!"

At the end, they barely made it, walking onto the bus huffing and extracting a lot of strange looks.

On the bus, Oikawa teased and asked questions about the Yahaba’s date, taking note of the hickeys.

"Good job Yaha-chan!"

'What? Why?"

"You're a top!"

"OIKAWA-SAN PLEASE!"

"Yes, beg for it."

"AHHHHH!"

"You're not making it any better. Make more nice noises for me, Yaha-chan!"

*

 

It wasn't until Oikawa was alone with nothing else other than the slowly drifting snow that he realized what Ushiwaka said.

_"I'm sure I will."_

Did that mean Ushiwaka will have a bad time until the next time they meet?

No way, he thought. He was just reading too much into it. Ushiwaka flirting? But then it could be ironic. Definitely ironic.

Oikawa didn't want to admit that he’s more than a little disappointed at what Ushiwaka said is probably just ironic.

*

Ushiwaka knows it wasn’t ironic.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where Tooru realize he's really fucking gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY I HAD A HUGE WRITER'S BLOCK

The next time he saw Ushiwaka was less than a week later.

It was at the local mall, when he and Iwaizumi was buying clothes for Takeru and the new baby girl his older sister is going to have.

As he and Tooru were walking to another store, the darker-haired boy pointed behind him. “Oya, is that Ushiwaka over there?”

“NANI?” (what)

Tooru turned, and it was confirmed.

“NAZE?” (why)

He wanted to cry. “Are you fucking with me right now?”

The sudden outburst caused Ushiwaka to look over, and he furrowed his eyes at Tooru. “What’s wrong, Oikawa? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Tooru pointed at him. “You.”

“I’m not a ghost.”

“Omae wa mou shindeiru.”

Ushiwaka sighed. “Stop memeing. At least use Japanese memes if you meme. It doesn’t work like that.”

“You fucking closet memer.”

Iwaizumi cleared his throat. “Oikawa.”

“Sorry, Iwa-chan, but he’s just an asshole.”

Iwaizumi smacked him, and gave a look at Ushiwaka. “I’m sorry.”

Ushiwaka looked at him, oblivious. “For what?” Tooru vaguely wondered how Ushiwaka can meme so much but could be so oblivious to some things.

“For callin- oh, nevermind. Shittykawa, you gonna finish shopping or not?”

“Why are you in such a hurry?” Tooru questioned, a smirk on his face. “Are you waiting to talk to your girlfrien-”

“It’s a group chat, not a girlfriend, Shittykawa!” Iwaizumi’s face is dark with anger and embarrassment. “And I have a exam on Monday!”

“Hm, yeah, sure, we totally buy that.” Tooru broke into a exaggerated cough. “Definitely in love with someone in the group chat.”

Iwaizumi’s face turned even redder. Tooru didn’t overlook the fact he didn’t deny it.

“Hm. Iwaizumi-san, are you vice-captain?” said Ushiwaka.

“Yeah, he is, why?” replied Oikawa.

“Is your name fucking Iwaizumi?” Iwaizumi growled.

Tooru ignored him. “And why?”

“Are you in the group chat with the vice-captains?”

Iwaizumi didn’t respond and look away, his face giving away everything. Tooru knew that he probably has the worst poker face in the world.

“Oh my god!” Oikawa exclaimed. “Who is it?”

  
“Like I’d tell you, dumbass!”

Oikawa gasped. “So you admit that you do have somebody!” His brain starts making up ways he can torment his best friend.

  
Iwaizumi opened and closed his mouth like a fish, stuttering. “S-shut up!”

“Hmm. There’s Jin from Shiratorizawa, Kamasaki from Dateko, Bobata from Johzenji, Refreshing-kun from Karasuno, and- oh my god, it’s Refreshing-kun, isn’t it?”

“Wha-what-”

“You fell for that ‘angelic’ smile, didn’t you? I bet he’s actually a sinnamon roll.”

“Well, that’s true. But I do NOT have the hots for him! You have barely listed 4 names!”

“He definitely has the hots for Karasuno’s version of Semi,” interjected Ushiwaka. “And you just admitted that he’s from the group chat.”

“Not you too!”

  
Oikawa pumped his fist in the air in triumph, and he looked at Iwaizumi and pointed at Ushiwaka. “See? Even Ushiwaka knows, and he’s only been listening for like, 10 seconds. You’re so gay that people who don’t have a gaydar can still spot you from 5 miles away.”

“Shittykawa!” Iwaizumi jabbed him, and tried to change the subject. “Are you gonna finish shopping or not?!”

  
“Nah, I’ll do it later.”

  
“Why,” he facepalmed. “am I friends with such a idiot? I’ll do the shopping instead. Pass your credit card.”

  
Oikawa snickered. “Look at Iwaizumi being a mom.”

A dark cloud passed through his face. “Huh?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He took out his credit card. “Here you go! Don’t use it for anything else!”

“Okay.” Iwaizumi sighs. “Do whatever you want. I’ll meet you at the cafeteria in an hour.”

Oikawa made the peace sign. “Okay, Iwa-chan! Just please choose the clothes that you wouldn’t usually choose. You have terrible fashion sense, you know.”

  
“HUH?!”

“Making my way downtown, walking fast.”

  
“COME BACK HERE, YOU ASSHOLE.”

  
“Walking faster.”

  
“I SAID COME BACK HERE!”

“FUCKING SPRINTING! COME ON USHIWAKA, YOU DON’T WANT TO EXPERIENCE IWA-CHAN’S WRATH!”

Tooru and Ushiwaka sprinted to the cafeteria, not daring to look back. All around, people gave them weird looks. A 6 year old onlooker looked at the two 18 year old boys running down the mall screaming “GOTTA GO FAST!” and thought, “That is the kind of person I aspire to be when I grow up.”  

Tooru finally collapsed in a chair at the cafeteria, panting. Ushiwaka seem nowhere near winded, and Tooru distinctly admired his stamina.

Ushiwaka looked at him. “You know, your ace reminds me of Karasuno’s setter.”

“Is it that glare and that nasty look?”

“Yup.”

“Tobio-chan learned everything from Iwaizumi, after all.”

He looked at Tooru in confusion. “Strange. His amazing serves and pride as a setter seem to resemble you more.”

“Don’t you fucking say that Tobio-chan and I are alike!” He tried to ignore the fact that one of the top 3 aces in Japan complimented on his serving. He’s not particularly happy that it’s Ushiwaka, he told himself, but he's one of the top aces in Japan, so he let himself be proud this once. Then he remembered.

“Shame that serving is the only thing I can do well," he said, gaze steadying to cover up emotion.

“I think that you’re a very capable setter, Oikawa. Serving is definitely not the only thing you do well. You’re top tier in everything, especially in dedication and perseverance.”

“Not that it got me anywhere.”

Ushiwaka frowned, but said nothing. An uneasy lump settled at the back of Tooru’s throat.

Tooru then seemed to realize who he was talking to right then. “Wait, why are you here?”

  
“You told me to come with you.” Memories of screaming from a few minutes ago flooded him.

“Fuck,” Tooru swore. “Why do we always end up this way?”

  
“It’s only been twice.”

“In a week.”

“It’s still a coincidence. You have to wait until the 3rd time for it to be more than that.”

“Yeah, but it’s in a week.”

“I’m not having this conversation again. Also, please pay me back for the 3 000 yen you spent last time.”

“Ok, ok, I’ll buy you a drink.”

“You make us sound like we’re in a bar.”

“Do you want it or not!”

“Yes, I’ll take a matcha bubble tea.”

“K, come on.”

  
Tooru got Ushiwaka the matcha bubble tea and got himself milk bread.

“Thanks,” Ushiwaka said, sipping his tea.

“Better be grateful, bitch,” he said. He considered talking with Ushiwaka about movies again, but he knows how it’s gonna be like. Flashbacks of his ships being denied got back at him, and he’d prefer not to have terrible nightmares of his luxury cruise ships sink like the titanic.

“So what are we gonna do now?” he asked. “ Is there something you need to get?”

“No, I’m done.” Ushiwaka pointed to his Sears bag.

“Hm, and I’m just waiting for Iwaizumi.” Tooru rubbed his head, thinking. An idea suddenly approached him. This was Miyagi’s biggest mall, they had pretty much everything. Everything. “Hey,” he smiled, playful, troublesome. Even somebody as dense as Ushiwaka could see that. “Let’s go buy some clothes.”

* * *

 

They ran from place to place. “Hey, hey, Ushiwaka! Try this cosplay!” He pointed to Harley Quinn cosplay.  
“Huh.” He picked up the blond hair with a frown. “Okay?”

Ushiwaka put the wig on.

“Pft,” he tried not to choke on his tea. He snapped a photo, and set it with the caption ‘Daddy’s little girl’. The 6 year old onlooker looked at those two 18 year olds and thought “So cool! They are my ultimate role model.”

“What?” Ushiwaka cocked his head to the side, not understanding why Tooru was laughing.  
“Nothing, just- pft!” He sent the photo to Tendou and Semi. _You better thank me for this blackmail material._

“You should wear that to graduation.”

“Hmm. Should I actually?”

  
“Yas dude, of course.” He picked up another cosplay. “Now put on that Loki cosplay!”

  
“You have to buy it to try though, and what happens if it doesn’t fit?”

Tooru practically threw it on the counter and slammed the money on it. “Done. I’d look amazing in this anyway, if it doesn’t fit you.”

The cashier handed it back in a bag.

“Now go to the bathroom and change, dammit!”

  
Oikawa Tooru is happy pleasantly surprised with all the blackmail material he managed to get, he thought, as he texted Mattsun, waiting for Ushiwaka to finish changing. He was not remotely prepared for the outcome.

The stall opened, and Tooru immediately snapped a photo. He looked up.

He’d like to say it was a calm acknowledgment, a ‘ _oh, I see,’_ where he just accepted the truth calmly. But no, calm was the last word someone would describe him right then. His thoughts was more like ‘ASDFGHJKL WTHA TTH E FUKC THIS IS A FUCDKIGN MISTAEKE HOW THE FUCK COULD OEN PEROSN BE SO HOT!’. Right after, he denied it to himself, thinking “PFT WHAT USHIWAKA HOT? PFT NO LMAO” as he tried in vain to tear his eyes from those broad shoulders.

“Does it suit me?” Ushiwaka asked.

Tooru thought to himself for a moment. “Hell no, it looks horrible on you,” he said nonchalantly. It wasn't supposed to suit him, but it somehow did.

  
“Oh,” Ushiwaka frowned and for a second Tooru was about to take his statement back. “Then you can have it.”

“Damn right I’ll have it, I brought that thing for a much too expensive price.” After Ushiwaka changed, he snatched back his Loki costume, and he found himself wallowing in regret, seeing him out of that costume. “You know, this is too big for me. You keep it.”

Ushiwaka looked at him in surprise. “You said it doesn’t fit me.”

“Well I changed my mind.”

“Ar-”

  
“JUST TAKE IT. But don’t wear it. And don’t question me. Pay me back the money later.”

“Okay.” Ushiwaka gave him a strange look. “Thank you.”

Satisfied, he decided that he’ll never share that photo of Ushiwaka to anyone but himself. He’ll be selfish for just this once.

Tooru’s phone then rang. “Where the hell are you, Assikawa?” blasted his speakers. Ah, of course, Iwaizumi. He had completely forgotten about him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming. Meet you at the cafeteria in 5, yeah?”

“You better not be late, I have reviewing to do.” He hang up, leaving Tooru alone with Ushiwaka again.

“I gotta go now, hope I never see you again.” Tooru started to walk out the bathroom, but Ushiwaka grabbed his hand, and Tooru turned around and was about to tell him off, but he before he could, he asked, “Can I have your number?”

It took a moment to sink in. When it did, Tooru gave a little shriek and darted away from him, not sure he heard correctly. “WHAT? You sound like a schoolgirl hopelessly in love.”

“Huh?” he cocked his head. “But I’m not a girl?”

  
He sighed. “Nevermind, but why?”

“So I can text you? And please send me the photos from today. Also I have to pay you back for it.”

  
He hesitated. “Fine. Some of them.” 

  
And so they exchanged phone numbers.

Tooru ended up arriving 5 minutes late. Even though Iwaizumi still berated him, telling him to keep his words, it seemed like he didn’t mind. Tooru noted he was smiling idiotically at his phone before he came, and he sure ~~wondered~~ knew why.

“By the way, are you alright?”

  
“Huh?”

  
Iwaizumi smiled. “You were alone with Ushiwaka for 2 hours and you didn’t kill him.”

Tooru looked at him, surprised at himself. “Well, I tried to,” he lied. He wasn’t pissed at Ushiwaka today. Not really. Is he actually alright?

“Uh huh.” Iwaizumi handed him the bags. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Okay.”

The moment he was out of sight, Tooru found Iwaizumi’s phone and practically started bouncing. Iwaizumi’s phone password was always so easy to guess, because it was always the birthdate of one of 3 people.

He decided to go through the chat histories, and he wasn’t disappointed. The mutual pining was too much, he thought as he look at the slightly flirtatious and flustered texts. He eternally fangirled over it, taking screenshots and sending it to himself. His blackmail material was overflowing today, he thought.

But that wasn’t the best part. He decided to go into his photos next, and what he discovered was fucking gold, he thought. Screenshots of the gray-haired setter took up the recents of his phone, along with chat histories between them or the Vice-captain group chat. He quickly sent those blackmail material to himself, grinning like an idiot, when Iwaizumi apparated beside him.

“What the aBSOLUTE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, OIKAWA TOORU?”

Oh shit.

“Oh, nothing, just astonished that my dear Iwa-chan can have feelings other than anger and rage.”

He looked past Tooru’s shoulder in bewilderment, finding Tooru setting the screenshots of Sugawara to his lockscreen and home screen, and setting the silver-haired boy’s birth date as his password. His face heated up in anger and embarrassment, reaching to grab the phone, but Tooru held it above his reach.

“How small you’ve become, Iwaizumi,” he taunted. “No wonder you’re short-tempered.”

Iwaizumi gave a swift kick to the behind of his knees, and as Tooru’s knees gave away, he snatched his phone back, along with Tooru’s phone. “That joke wasn't even good, Shittykawa!" He unlocked Tooru's phone. "Let me just text Ushiwaka and-”"

“Oh my god I’m sorry Iwaizumi my mate, my mom friend™, please forgive meh-” he said as he snatched back his phone.

“Get back here, dumbass!”

Tooru just laughed and ran all the way to the bus stop, a wild Iwaizumi behind him. The bus pulled up right after Iwaizumi reaches the bus stop. The bus driver gave both of them a weird look, and Tooru just grinned cheekily while the shorter boy scowled.

“By the way, Iwa-chan,” Tooru said.

“What?”

“You screenshotted all those pictures of Suga-chan from snapchat, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you know that the other person can see if you’ve screenshotted?”

“Oh.” Iwaizumi said. “ WAIT WHAT.” Iwaizumi had a horrified expression on his face, and Tooru can’t help but to laugh at that. “You’re lying.”

“Ha! But no, though I greatly admire the person who made this feature.” He put his hands in a praying position. “Thank you, snapchat creator, for making this feature so I can bust my dear friend, Iwa-chan.”

  
“Hey!” Iwaizumi smacked him. “But I still don’t believe you.”

“I’ll show you.” Tooru pulled his phone out, and Iwaizumi copied. “Send me something random.”

  
Iwaizumi sent him a picture of the bus driver’s garbage can with the caption “You”.

“Iwaizumi, mean! I’m not going to screenshot that! Send me another one!”

Iwaizumi sent him a picture of Eren Jaeger screaming with the caption “Kindaichi internally”.

“Hell yeah, Iwa-chan, you go!” He screenshotted it, and sure enough, a short  _ding_ came from the shorter boy’s phone.

“Oh fuck.”

  
Tooru laughed maniacally, a plan forming in his mind already. By the time the bus reached their station, he already got the plan ready, and all there’s left is for it to be executed. But he’ll need help. And he has no idea who to ask.

* * *

 

Just because he knows who to ask doesn’t mean he knows how without damaging his pride. He wished he could ask somebody on Seijou, but unfortunately, no one is up to the standards for this kind of mission. Makki and Mattsun would definitely accidentally blurt everything out while memeing, the kouhais respected their ‘Iwaizumi-senpai’ way too much, and the only who would dare is Kunimi. But he wasn’t even gonna consider Kunimi. Not after that one time he ‘helped’ with getting 2 certain people together. Tooru would rather have his eyes intact, thanks.

He needed 3 more people for this, and two must be from Karasuno. Tobio-chan was a definite no, and the insane 2nd years were also a no. He considered his options for a while, and finally settled on the 1st year pinch server. He considered glasses-kun for a while, but he had a hunch that he was as untrusted as kunimi in this kinds of situation, over doing it.

He needed 2 more people, and one other from Karasuno. He decided on Tobio-chan, god knows why. Tobio-chan is closer to Karasuno’s reserve setter than any other people other than the 2 third-years, he suspected, since they’re both setters. He didn’t want to ask the 3rd years of Karasuno. They all seem like goody-two-shoes. Tobio-chan is the only other person who Tooru has the number of in Karasuno. The other one was Chibi-chan, and he suspected that he might mess up even more than Tobio. Plus, there’s something he wants to do for Tobio-chan ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)….

Deciding the last one was hard. The people he kept in contact with in other schools mainly consists of, well, people like him. Sassy, can and will throw shade, and Tooru, as much he’d like to deny it, did not need another sassy brat. The only person who falls out of that category is, well…

Ushiwaka.

Fuck.

The thing is, Ushiwaka doesn’t seem like a bad person to ask, as he has many, many ships. But he avoided asking Ushiwaka, so he decided to ask Karasuno’s pinch server first. Asking Yamaguchi turned out fairly easy. That cinnamon roll was no cinnamon roll, he thought at the end.  More like a sinnamon roll.

 

_9:50 p.m. Grandking_

_Hey ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:50 p.m. Freckles_

_??? Who is this???_

 

_9:50 p.m. Grandking_

_Can’t you tell by my name? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:51 p.m. Freckles_

_Um_

_Oh! Oikawa-san!_

 

_9:51 p.m. Grandking_

_Yay! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

_Good job Yama-chan (◕‿◕✿)_

 

_9:51 p.m. Freckles_

_Umm_

_Why are you texting me?_

 

_9:51 p.m. Grandking_

_Hmm? Do you not like it?( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:52 p.m. Freckles_

_No! Ofc not!_

_It’s just…_

_It’s out of the blue for someone from Seijou to be texting me_

_And what’s with the lenny faces_

 

_9:52 p.m. Grandking_

_I need a favor ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:52 p.m. Freckles_

_That face unnerves me_

_What kind of favor_

_If ur asking 4 a blowjob than hell no_

 

_9:52 p.m. Grandking_

_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:53 p.m. Freckles_

_Umm??? WHAT_

 

_9:53 p.m. Freckles_

_Jk_

_Is your reserve setter a little…. Distracted these days??? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:53 p.m. Freckles_

_Well, I guess he’s a bit distracted with his phone these days, but other than that…_

 

_9:53 p.m. Grandking_

_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:53 p.m. Freckles_

_OMFG who is it?_

 

_9:53 p.m. Grandking_

_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:54 p.m. Freckles_

_OMFG THE PERSON’S FROM SEIJOU ISN’T IT_

 

_9:54 p.m. Grandking_

_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:54 p.m. Freckles_

_OIKAWA-SENPAIIIIII_

_PLSSSS_

_YOU NEED MY HELP TO GET THEM TOGETHER RIGHT_

 

_9:54 p.m. Grandking_

_Yay, Yama-chan! You’re quite bright!!!_

_….bUT!_

 

_9:54 p.m. Freckles_

_But what????_

 

_9:54 p.m. Grandking_

_You mustn’t tell anyone. Not even your glasses-kun_

 

_9:55 p.m. Freckles_

_Awww….._

_It’ll be more fun, you know, with Tsukki_

 

_9:55 p.m. Grandking_

_DO YOU WANNA BE IN THIS OR NOT?_

 

_9:55 p.m. Freckles_

_Ok ok_

But who else is gonna be helping?

_9:55 p.m. Grandking_

_Tobio-chan and_

_U_

_SHIWAKA_

_CHAN_

_I GUESS_

 

_9:56 p.m. Freckles_

_Umm, but…._

_Kageyama?!_

_9:56 p.m. Grandking_

_Yes, little Tobio-chan_

_But if you have a replacement for Ushiwaka chan than sure_

 

_9:56 p.m. Freckles_

_Umm yeah sorry no suggestions_

_Daichi?_

_No he’ll just tell Suga-san_

 

_9:56 p.m. Grandking_

_Ok meet me at the Miyagi park tmr @ 2_

_Tell Tobio-chan for me_

_And not A WORD TO OTHER PEOPLE_

 

_9:56 p.m. Freckles_

_OK (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧_

_See ya!_

 

_9:57 p.m. Grandking_

_Btw what is Mr. Refreshing-kun’s real name?_

 

_9:57 p.m. Freckles_

_…_

_Really?_

_It’s Sugawara Koushi, but everyone calls him Suga_

 

_9:57 p.m. Grandking_

_Suga Daddy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

_9:57 p.m. Freckles_

_I’ll never be able to look him in the eyes ever again_

 

Tooru sighed and put down his phone. Now, Ushiwaka-chan. _Goodbye, pride. For Iwaizumi!_

 _Fuck off, you little bitch,_ said his pride.

He did not procrastinate on texting Ushiwaka for 2 hours, watching half a season of anime. While he was watching, he suddenly thought of Ushiwaka, and wondered if he’s watched it, or if he would like it.

Probably not, he thought. He didn’t even know why he was watching a homoroetic skating monotage.

The silver-haired protagonist dipped his finger in lip balm, and brought his hand to the dark-haired protagonist’s lips. The sliver-haired said that the dark-haired’s lips were dried, which sounded like more like an excuse than anything else.

The show isn’t even officially a BL(boy’s love) anime, yet it’s somehow still gayer than all of them. The only thing that can possibly be gayer is Iwaizumi. He also wondered if Ushiwaka was gay.

Why is he thinking about him?

After a few episodes, he decided that he couldn’t take it anymore, and just texted him, hoping that he was already asleep.

 

_11:45 p.m. Grandking_

_Ushiwaka-chan?_

_Did you do you daily share of dying yet?_

 

_11:45 p.m. MooMoo_

_Is that a weird way of asking if I’ve slept yet?_

 

_11:45 p.m. Grandking_

_…_

 

Tooru bursted out laughing. Ushiwaka-chan’s name...he better thank Semi later. But so much for being asleep. He responded almost immediately. Tooru vaguely wondered if he was waiting for his text.

 

_11:45 p.m. Grandking_

_Moo_

 

_11:46 p.m. MooMoo_

_?_

 

_11:46 p.m. Grandking_

_Moo Moo_

 

_11:46 p.m. MooMoo_

_??_

 

_11:46 p.m. Grandking_

_MOO MOO MOTHAFUCKA_

 

_11:46 p.m. MooMoo_

_???_

 

_11:47 p.m. Grandking_

 

_Ok, so in short, I need a favor_

 

_11:47 p.m. MooMoo_

_Okay._

 

_11:47 p.m. Grandking_

_Favor in a nutshell:_

_Iwaizumi is in love with Karasuno’s reserve setter, Mr. Refreshing, aka Sugawara Koushi. I’ve already got some agents in Karasuno to infiltrate from the inside, named Tobio-chan and Yama-chan and we’re gonna meet tmr @ 2 in the park._

 

_11:48 p.m. MooMoo_

_So, tomorrow at the park at 2 o’clock?_

 

_11:49 p.m. Grandking_

_Ye_

 

_11:49 p.m. MooMoo_

_Okay._

_It’s late. You should go to sleep._

 

_11:50 p.m. Grandking_

_Nah. You go if you want to._

 

_11:50 p.m. MooMoo_

_No, I plan to stay up a bit longer with you._

 

_11:50 p.m. Grandking_

_Ok bye imma go to sleep now_

 

_11:50 p.m. MooMoo_

_Goodnight, Oikawa._

_I’m surprised._

 

_11:51 p.m. Grandking_

_Why?_

 

_11:51 p.m. MooMoo_

_You’re a very considerate for your friend. You're surprisingly kind._

 

_11:51 p.m. Grandking_

_Ok, ok, go to sleep already. Goodnight._

 

_11:52 p.m. MooMoo_

_Goodnight._

 

Tooru couldn’t explain the euphoria he felt afterwards. As he stared at the ceiling, the moonlight flooding into his room, he contemplated that day.

“Can I have your phone number?”

“You’re very kind, Oikawa.”

“I plan to stay a bit longer with you.”

Tooru knew he was being irrational, but he- he interprets it in a way he shouldn’t.

What does he want? Does he want to interpret it as more than a friendly gesture?

The moment he thinks it, he shakes his head and buries his head in his pillow, cheeks red. A mental image of Ushiwaka in a Loki costume popped up, and he regrets all his choices. Definitely not helping with his condition right then. A fluttery feeling was in his stomach, his chest warm, and it feels hard to breathe and he feels light and heavy at the same time. He possibilities were so slim, but.

Nope nope nope nope nope. He refused to accept it. I won’t say I’m in love, he sang in his head. Not with Ushiwaka. Anyone but him.  

Uh huh, the inner Tooru said.

Tooru decided to set the song ‘I won’t say I’m in love’ as his alarm, ringtone, and pretty much everything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kind of crap sorry. But next chapter will have some ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2018! To everyone reading, good job for surviving 2017!

Yamaguchi Tadashi woke up before 10 o'clock on a day without practice and school. That's how he knew he was real fucking excited for giving his angel-like senpai a boyfriend after being totally smitten for months.

Practice was canceled for that day due to the girl's basketball team having a practice match with Niiyama's, and he was gonna take that time to do something productive. When he skipped downstairs, fully dressed and hair brushed, his mother gave him a look and a smile. She glanced at the clock. "Today's rare. It's only 9:15 and you're up already. What could get you up so early?" She started preparing some toast for him. She then smiled and asked him why he was so happy that day. Usually in the mornings, he would be a dark cloud, gloomy and hissing at any sign of sunlight. Today, however, he was opening the blinds to a sunny day with snow sparkling on the ground, shining as bright as Hinata Shouyou himself.

To his mother's question, he simply replied, "I'm excited!" She gave him a strange but happy look. 

Unable to contain the excitement in a indoor environment, he decided to take a walk outside after he finished his breakfast. 

He must’ve been walking for at least a hour, because he finally snapped back to his senses, he was standing at the intersection of many, many, crossroads at the foot of a mountain. He dimly recognized the place when the first years went over to Hinata’s house for a study date, and knew the general direction of home and Hinata’s house, but there were so many paths that he had no idea which one was the correct one. He decided to text Hinata.

 

9:57 a.m. Freckles

U up yet?

 

9:58 a.m. Littlegiant

Ye y

There isnt practice if you are wondering

 

9:58 a.m. Freckles

No its just that

I think im lost somewhere near ur house

 

9:58 a.m. Littlegiant

Wow rip lol

 

9:59 a.m. Freckles

…

thx

 

9:59 a.m. Littlegiant

OMG IM SO SORYR YAJAGUCHI IT A HABIT FROM SEXTING KAGEYAM A

 

9:59 a.m. Freckles

SEXTING??? Σ(゜ロ゜;) 

 

10:00 a.m. Littlegiant

OMFG NO TEXTING I MEAN TEXTING BELIEVE ME

 

10:00 a.m. Freckles

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

10:00 a.m. Littlegiant

NOOOOO YAMAGUCHI ITS NOTA LIEK TAHT

YAMAGUCHI SDFHG PLS NOT A WORD

ILL COME SAVE YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE JUST NOT A WORD TO ANYONE ESPECIALLY NOT SALTYSHIMA OR KAGEYAMA

 

10:00 a.m. Freckles

Ok ok

Im at the foot of this mountain where like a billion paths intercross

 

10:01 a.m. Littlegiant

Oooo that place

I’ll be there in 5 mins

 

10:01 a.m. Freckles

Thx man

 

10:01 a.m. Littlegiant

No probs

You need a jacket?

Its cold

 

10:01 a.m. Freckles

Nah no thx im prepared

U make sure u wear a jacket, u forgetful idiot

 

10:02 a.m. Littlegiant

(ง'̀-'́)ง fite me

 

10:02 a.m. Freckles

Im kidding

 

10:02 a.m. Littlegiant

(￣▽￣)ノik I am too

Stay where u are I’ll be there in a few mins

 

10:02 a.m. Freckles

See ya! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

 

Tadashi turned off his phone and rubbed his hands together in an attempt to warm himself up.

Five minutes later, the orange-haired arrived on a bike, and when he saw Tadashi, he screamed “Yamaguchi!” and waved.

“Hinata! You’re quick!” he said as the smaller boy got of his bike. He can't deny that he wasn't happy to see his cheerful teammate so early in the morning. Cheeks, nose, and ears tinted pink, hair ruffled and messier than usual brings a smile to Tadashi's face.

Hinata looked at him, his smile blinding like always. "I didn't forget my jacket! I didn't forget my gloves and scarf either!"

"Thank god. I wouldn't know how to break the news that you died from hypothermia if you didn't." The smaller boy chuckled.

"So, how did you even get so lost, anyway? 

  
Tadashi couldn’t tell him the truth, so he said, “I got a little distracted, and went for a little walk. Seems like I got a little over excited, though.”

“Wow! And you’re up early today too! What could possibly make you so excited?” The little jumped in excitement, and Tadashi was surprised that the boy even knew that he sleeps in. “If it’s exciting for you, it’s probably really really really exciting exciting for me too!”

“Hmm, it’s a secret!”

  
“Whaaaa?” the boy landed on the ground, dejected.

“But.”

“But?” Hinata’s eyes popped up, hope shining in his eyes.

  
“You’ll be really happy with the end result. Like, I’m pretty sure that even Daichi-san would scream at it.”

“Woahhhhh!” He started bouncing again. “You know, Kageyama and I have this theory that Daichi has the most girly scream in the class. Even higher than Yachi!”

Tadashi laughed. “I seriously hope that it’s true. I’ll try my best to expose him!”

“Yeah! Let me help!” Hinata beamed. “So, where do you live anyway? It’s cold out here."

“Oh!” He was so distracted that he temporary forgot that he was in the middle of nowhere. “Just point me in the direction of the school. I’ll find my way from there.”

  
“Nuh-uh. You have a even worse sense of direction than me. I’ll take you.” The boy started getting onto his bike, but Tadashi reached out a hand to stop him.

“Nope. You’re not riding there and back in this weather. I already caused you enough trouble for you.” Tadashi paused. "And how rude. I definitely have a better sense of direction than you!"

"Uh huh. And who is the one who's able to navigate through this mountain everyday?"

"Oh. But it's okay, Hinata, I can find my way home."

“It’s seriously fine! You live where Tsukishima lives, right?” The orange-haired started riding ahead. “I’ll take you! It’s pretty easy to take the wrong turn anyway.”

Tadashi sighed and smiled, knowing that it’s impossible to persuade the smaller boy.

“You better pick up the pace, Yamaguchi, because I’m gonna speed ahead!”

Tadashi looked up, and saw the boy already a good distance away, and started running. “W-wait up!”

  
The boy chuckled. “You need to get some exercise, Yamaguchi, since there’s no practice today. You don’t want to end up with as crappy stamina as Stingyshima!”

“W-what?” He groaned.

“GO GO LET’S GO LET’S GO YAMAGUCHI! CHANT IT WITH ME!”

“GO GO LET’S GO LET’S GO DATEKO! SCREW DATEKO! IT’S SO CATCHY! I ALMOST CHANTED FOR THE WRONG SIDE DURING INTERHIGH!”

“HA SAME! GO GO LET’S GO LET’S GO DATEKO! PICK UP THE PACE YAMAGUCHI! FOR EXERCISE!”

“Not exercise!” And that’s how Tadashi chased Hinata foot to bike for a few miles, laughing.

* * *

 

  
Tadashi arrive in front of his house, panting, while Hinata tries to make a snowman out of the snow in his front lawn. When they saw the new merchandise for a band they both loved immensely, they spent 2 entire hours in that store, and decided to get lunch (and a ridiculous amount of dessert). Yamaguchi ended up having to run an extra mile because of the detour, and he was internally dying. Hinata, with his everlasting stamina, looked up at Tadashi and beamed, completely unwinded. “Took you long enough, slowpoke!”

Tadashi looked up, and said, “Y-you were o-on the bike! It’s so unfair!” 

Hinata looked away, whistling. “Maybe. But I ran more than 3 quarters of the way because it was too slippery for the bike!"

"I told you that you didn't have to go the whole way!" Tadashi pulled out his phone. 1:34 a.m. Shit. He’s spent much more time outside than he thought. He turned to Hinata. “Hinata, thank you for bringing me home.”

He smiled, and Yamaguchi felt warmth bloom in his chest and across his cheeks. “No problem! Anything for you Yamaguchi!” He then blushed red. “Well, not anything, I guess. But almost!”

  
Tadashi laughed. “Well, I have a meeting with some people in a few minutes, so I really have to go. See you on Monday!” Yamaguchi waved as he walked away.

Hinata waved back. “Bye!”

_Didn’t Kageyama also have a ‘meeting’ with somebody today? And didn’t Yamaguchi call him yesterday?_

  
Before he can think, Shouyou follows him.

* * *

 

Iwa-chan:

7:09 WHat the fuck are you doing

7:09 Pick up this shit u left @ my house

8:47 You awake?

9:36 Shittykawa are you alright

10:56 Now ur just ignoring me ur mom said youre on ur phone rn

11:45 I have guESTS OVER SHITTYKAWA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

12:20 SHITTYKAWA ANSWER OR ILL COME TO UR HOUSE RN

1:30 SHITTYKAWA YOU BASTARD DON’T JUST GO THE FUCKING PARK GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT OUT OF MY ROOM

Read at 2:00

2:01 OIKAWA TOORU I SWEAR TO GOD

Tooru would never admit he was texting Ushiwaka since 7 in the morning.

* * *

 

Tadashi gets off the bus at 1:59:23 a.m., and he has less than a minute to sprint the 300 meters into the park to their meeting space. And when he runs this time, he runs, even harder than he does at training camp, as a challenge to himself, and as he wants to see his grey-haired senpai become the gayest person on the team (if he isn’t already).

Tadashi watches his watch. 1:59:58, 1:59:59, Tadashi slips on a patch of snow straight into somebody, who falls from the impact with him, and 2:00:00. Tadashi hosts himself up and gets a good look at his watch. ‘YES!” he thinks despite of the fall. It was a pretty good record, especially in boots, and he was feeling quite proud of himself until somebody cleared their throat.

“Umm,” somebody below him mutters, averting his eyes. He looks down, and finds the dark-haired setter, hat fallen off beside him and hair spread among the snow. He also realized that they were in a rather awkward position. Kageyama looked up at him, apparently unaffected by the awkward position but still suffering from the impact of the fall. Ushiwaka looked at them with no reaction at all, and for some reason looked that made it even more awkward. Tadashi started apologizing furiously, forgetting to get off of the setter in the process. 

Some asshole walked up and whistles. “Ha, gay!”

Yamaguchi turned around, prepared to make witty retorts under his breath that he’s picked up from Tsukki and tell him the LGBT+ community is nothing to make fun of.

Instead, he sees Hinata jumping out of a bush, yelling and tackling Oikawa into the snow.

“Wha- mmph- fuc- call the police, damn it!” Oikawa screamed. “Je suis sorti pour passer un bon moment et je me sens honnêtement tellement attaqué en ce moment!”

Just because Yamaguchi’s english is shit doesn’t mean his french is. He got off of Kageyama, brushed the snow off, and looked at Oikawa on the floor. “Did you just say ‘I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now’ in french?”

Oikawa stared up at him, still pinned to the floor by Hinata who was still yelling “AHHHHHHH!”

“Yes, and je souffre. Tell this Chibi-chan to get off of me, damn it!” Oikawa tries to push him off, but Hinata just squeeze him even tighter. “What’s wrong with him? He’s worse than the iron wall of Dateko!” 

He approached the smaller boy cautiously, and tapped him on the shoulder. “Um, Hinata? You may want to get off the Grand King.”

He stops yelling, and looks at Tadashi, a expression on his face that he can’t really make out of, but he still softens his grip on Oikawa. He cautiously gets off of him, his glare never leaving him. “What did you mean when I was worse than the iron wall of Dateko?”

Oikawa sighed. “You were so annoying and hard and impenetrable with words until Yama-chan got you off. -” he paused for a moment, and then realized what he said. "Heh. Hard and impenetrable." Hinata cheeks bloomed.

Tadashi screamed in horror. “Oikawa-san, please! And Hinata! I thought you’re innocent! I’d have to tell Mum!” They looked at him weirdly and his face reflected Hinata's. “I-I mean, Suga-san, um,-” he facepalmed. “Ugh, this conversation is just a train wreck all the way, isn’t i-”

“I WAS NOT HARD!” yelled Hinata.

People around the park looked at him, and Tadashi swore he was this close to dying of embarrassment. Hinata instinctively dove behind Kageyama, and Tadashi felt an unexplainable well of jealousy, just like every other time the smaller boy does it.

Oikawa got up. “And, seriously, Chibi-san, what are you doing in the bushes of the park? Did you purposely hide there and attempt of ambush me? I was this close to calling the cops.”

“I- well, I followed Yamaguchi here, and-” he panicked when he saw Oikawa giving him a judging look. “It- it’s not- not that way! I- it’s just Kageyama got a call from Yamaguchi last night and they’re both going to the park today at the same time and I was just wondering if you know, what was happening and I saved Yamaguchi this morning so, erm, I followed him, and-” he took a deep breath and was about to continue before Oikawa stopped him.

  
“Yeah, I got it, you’re concerned about your boyfriend getting stolen by my dear Yama-chan here, full homo,” he said, and the orange-haired boy’s cheeks turned as red as the Christmas jumper he was wearing underneath. He proceeded to deny it, but Oikawa stopped him. Kageyama, like always, is oblivious and seemingly trying to strike up a conversation with the piece of rock that just happens to be one of the top 3 spikers in Japan. 

“So, um, what do you do with Chibi-chan now? Roundhouse kick his ass to North America?”

“Hm. How ‘bout let him in on our plan? If he really did get hard because of Oikawa, then he’s not that innocent, right? And he can’t that bad at keeping a secret. If he could keep him and Kageyama’s dating a secret, then he’s not too bad.” Ushiwaka said, the first time he contributed into a conversation other the one between Kageyama and himself.

  
“I WAS NOT HARD!”

“Um, but we’re not dating?” Kageyama looked around, confused. Oikawa swatted his comment away. Tadashi looked away.

“I suppose,” he sighed. He turned to Hinata. “If you tell anyone this, I will kill you in the most painful way possible, you hear me?” The small boy gulped.

“I-I’m not scared o-of you!” He decalred.

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”

“Yeek!” the little boy shreiked.

Ushiwaka sighed. “You know, Oikawa, you’re that one person that overdoes memes and make them cringy and outdated. Stop.”

Oikawa gasped. “You know, I only let you in this plan because you’re the only one I know who isn’t a sarcastic little shit! Now is not the time, dammit!”

Ushiwaka just shrugged. “Okay. I'm pretty sure you've got better options than me, but when something is fresh on your mind you tend to favor it more than something that's older. You chose me because you spent the past 24 hours texting me. Our vice-captain told us that Iwaizumi-san was pissed at you for ignoring his messages.”

"Shut up!" Oikawa sighed and addressed Hinata. “So. You know your setter right? The grey haired one, S-Sugar? Suga? Yeah, him. Seijou’s ace, Iwa-chan, is in love with him, and the love is requited. Except,” he threw a snowball at a statue’s face. “The mutual pining is even worse than all of the shojo anime plus gay fanfiction combined. So our mission this time is to get those to lovebirds together. You, Kageyama, and Yamaguchi will take care of Mr. Refreshing while I take care of Iwa-chan, and Ushiwaka-chan will just do anything else that comes up. And do any of you have Kamasaki Yasushi's number? We need somebody in this plan that is in the Vice-captain group chat.” Everyone shook their heads

“No…” Kageyama said. “But I have Akaashi’s, and he’s in that group chat, I think.”

“And who’s that?”

“The second year setter and vice-captain of Fukurodani, a school from Tokyo.”

“Oh. Is it the school who has one of the top 5 aces, Bokuto Koutarou?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” Ushiwaka frowned. “He was really loud.”

“Yup,” Yamaguchi sighed with an pained expression. “That’s him.”

“Oya oya," Oikawa tilted his head at him. "Somebody’s had a traumatic experience.”

“Let’s just say I’ve never seen Tsukki sigh so much. I’ve also never had such a bad migraine in my life. And please don’t say ‘oya oya.’” He sighed. “Brings back the traumatic memories of punishments. Seriously, I hope you never meet Bokuto or Kuroo.”

  
Oikawa smirked, and Tadashi regrets everything. “Oya? What kind of punishments?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "Tobio-chan, give me Akaashi’s number! And give me Kuroo and Bokuto's in the process!”

“And why should I when you still call me that shitty nickname?”

  
Oikawa widened his eyes. “Ka-Kageyama- sa-san,” he said under his breath, avoiding his eyes. Kageyama was filming, and Oikawa wanted to kill him right then, but for his malicious plan to succeed, he must do this. Again, his pride curses his meddlesome nature, especially when it comes to tormenting his own team. “Kageyama-san, I beg you. Please give me Akaashi’s number.”

“Huh? We didn’t hear clearly,” Hinata said, grinning.

“DID I FUCKING STUTTER?” Too far, Tobio-chan and Shrimp, too far.

“Okay, okay, I texted you already.” Kageyama put down his phone.

“You know, I like all this blackmail on the legendary Oikawa Tooru, but can we get to the point already?” said Tadashi

Oikawa pointed at him. “The man, the legend!” He cleared his throat. “My plan is simple: get them together. A week from now, they’re holding the volleyball awards, right?”

  
They nodded, and for a second, they felt the tension between the teams, Oikawa most of all. He knew that he was most likely not going to get the title ‘best setter’ this year, especially now with Kageyama going to the national youth training camp, but he continued speaking.

“After that, teams are probably going to celebrate, or have a last gathering as a volleyball team. Well, at least the ones who are actually serious about it anyway. We, as Seijou, will go for laser tag, karaoke, and the movies.”

“How the absolute fuck do you get the money?” Yamaguchi asked, baffled.

“Well,” Oikawa smiled. “You know how I literally have a fan club?”

“Oh.” Yamaguchi sighed. “Forget I asked.”

“No, no, but Iwa-chan pretty much has a fan club too, except they consists mostly of gay or bi boys fangirling over his muscles they saw at the sports festival during the summer.”

He groaned. “Why does Seijou have all the attractive people? I mean we can pretty much do that with Tsukki and Suga, but we’d never get as much as you. I guess we can get Suga and Hinata to wear a maid costume, but still.”

“Me?!” came a voice on the side.

 _Oh shit. Shit._ “I mean, um, I, well,” Yamaguchi stuttered.

“Okay, okay, Yama-chan is gay as fuck, now can you just listen to me?” Oikawa snapped. “So, I was thinking, we can get Karasuno to the movies with us. Except, you know, made a few accidents can happen and it’d be Iwa-chan and Suga instead of Seijou and Karasuno. You'd need to convince your coach and advisor though. I’ll get the tickets for Seijou, and Yamaguchi will get the tickets for Karasuno, since your team nor I trust you two,” he gestures at Hinata and Kageyama.

“Hey!” They uttered in unison. 

Oikawa cleared his throat. “As I was saying, Yamaguchi will get the tickets. Except, you’ll buy a different ticket for Mr. Refreshing, and you’ll give him the different one. Knowing Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan, you’ll just give that ticket to Buddha head instead or something. I do the same for Iwa-chan. Then, I get Iwa-chan to get drinks for him and I, because I do that all the time, as damaging to my figure as it is, I’ll will be annoying enough to get him to do it.”

“Look, he’s actually self-aware,” said Hinata. When Oikawa shot him a glare, he whimpered and hide behind Kageyama. Tadashi looked away.

“Well well, Chibi-chan, your vocabulary has grown by quite a bit, if you know words like ‘self-aware’.” Oikawa taunted, tilting his chin up. “What’s next? You’re gonna blast out intelligent words like ‘asshole’?”

“Yo-”

“And then Kageyama and Hinata will ask Sugawara to go get some popcorn or go get something with them. They will leave for the bathroom when they are in line, and they’ll leave him there. Boom-”

“Then, two things can happen," Ushiwaka said."First one is Sugawara-san will meet Iwaizumi-san in line and start a conversation with him after Kageyama and Hinata leaves. They’d find out that both of their teams ditched them and walk to their room together. They’d find that none of their teams are there, but they’d just assume they were somewhere inside since the movie would start and it’d be too dark. Or, they’d learn that their team isn’t in there, but they really can’t do anything about it. During the movie, they can’t contact their team, because the teams' phones would have to be turned off or be on mute. They can’t get into another one without the ticket, and they wouldn't even know which movie to pay for, as you’re going to tell them something else or say it's a surprise. Yamaguchi-san and Oikawa, you’ll tell them that. No matter what, even if they decide not to see the movie, they’d be together without anyone else, and it’d be in their best interest to stick together. They’d probably watch the movie though, since it’s paid already.”

“Second thing that can happen is that Sugawara-san and Iwaizumi-san individually finish their ‘errands’ done, and find each other in the movie theater. They’d both try to find their teams, and since our teams are going together, they’d also stick together. Their movie’s going to be longer than our own, so we can greet them when they come out, or the opposite; we can let them be alone together to the last possible moment, which is when they give up and go home. Then we’ll switch to Plan B, if the latter happens.” Ushiwaka concluded.

They stared at him for a few seconds.

“Holy shit,” Oikawa whispered. “Er, I mean, that plan is shit, but if you want to go with it, then I mean, sure.”

“Hmm?” Ushiwaka turned to him. “But isn’t it your plan?”

“Are you mocking me, you little shit?”

Yamaguchi sighed. “I really don’t think that he had any sarcasm in his voice, Oikawa-san.”

“Bullshit!” he declared. “Well,” he said under his breath, “It's terrible and the details are all glossed over, but sure, whatever makes you sleep at night.”

“More like whatever makes _you_ sleep at night,” said Kageyama.

  
“Woah, _Tobio-chan_ , when did you become such a sarcastic little shit?” nudged Hinata.

“And when did you become so unobservant? Oh wait, you never were.”

Oikawa hissed. “The burns. What have we ever done to you?”

“Not me, but you sure did bless the world with your stupidity.”

“Damn,” Hinata said. “No homo, but when Kageyama roasts people like that, it’s kinda hot compared to you usual ‘dumbass’ remarks. Like his looks aren’t bad when he’s not being stupid, but with his Saltyshima roasting skills, it’s kinda attractive.”

Silence echoed. Kageyama was this close to exploding. “What the fuck, Chibi-chan,” Oikawa looked at him in a mixture of surprise and bemusement. “You can’t just say that Tobio-chan is hot and attractive but declare no homo.”

“Even at no homo, that was fucking full homo.” Yamaguchi said. Then he added silently, “Not that I like it.”

Hinata gave him a weird look. “Yamaguchi?”

“Ah,” he lightly shook his head. “It’s nothing. Also, did you just indirectly call Tsukki attractive?”

“Well, he’s not as attractive as Kageyama in terms of looks,” the boy’s ears reddened. “But he’s not bad, I guess.”

“Holy shit. Chibi-chan, you’re really, really gay. Like, as gay as Makki and Mattsun. You say that and say that Tobio-chan isn't your boyfriend?”

Ushiwaka looked at him. “Is everyone in Seijou gay? Or at least, not straight?”

“N-” Oikawa paused to think. “Wait. No. Yes. Yes, all of us are at least a little gay. Even Watari, who is mostly straight, is a little gay for Iwa-chan.”

“Okay, everybody’s a little gay for Iwaizumi,” said Kageyama. Everyone nodded a little.

“Holy shit, this group is gayer than gay, I swear.” Oikawa sighed. “Anyways, in favor of the plan say aye. Aye.”

“Aye!!”

“Aye.”

“Aye…?”

“Aye,” said Tadashi. “But what about plan B?”

“Let Ushiwaka plan it. The first one,” he looked away, “wasn’t bad, I guess. It’s not like I planned so far ahead anyway.”

Ushiwaka looked at him, surprised that Oikawa was, for once, not sprouting shit about him. “Alright. Plan B will take place when the movie theater plan fails. Seijou and Karasuno, at the end, is still pretty evenly matched, isn’t it? Plus, your two first years improved a lot when they went to my school for training. Request a training match with each other the long weekend after the movie. You’d both need it, especially Karasuno, since Seijou is like many of the teams you meet at nationals. During it, lightly nudge them towards each other, like asking them to get drinks or something. I bet they're both quite courteous, so if you tell them the managers need a little rest, they'll fall for it. If worst comes to worst, tell both of them to get something from the storage room and lock them in. If that doesn’t work, then we’ll come up with something else.”

Kageyama paused from typing on his phone. ”I sent everything to Akaashi-san. But he asks what is this role in all this.”

“Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it?” interjected Oikawa. “He’s going to spy on them for us. He’s the person who would provide all the blackmail material, tell us their conversations and plans, and everything.”

“So in other words he’s going to be like the MC in Mystic Messenger except it’s “Does Jumin Han and Zen gay’ except just Jumin,” said Tadashi.

“And MC is trying to get them together with I, the 808, the best hacker, schemer, women magnet, with the tragic backstory, yeah.”

“So I’m Yoosung?” asked Tadashi.

“And I’m Jaehee?” asked Ushiwaka.

“No, you’re that asshole-y girl in the Jumin route,” Oikawa said.

“Then you’re that asshole-y girl’s mum,” retorted Kageyama. He’s defending Ushiwaka?

“Then you’re Echo girl from Zen’s route!”

“You’re Rika!”

Oikawa gasped in offense. “Excuse me?”

“You are excused.”

“Actually, um," interjected Tadashi lightly, "I think Oikawa-san would be Zen because of obvious reasons. Hinata would be Yoosung since he’s really cute," the boy blushed at that, "Kageyama would be V, and Ushijima-san would be Jumin since he is talented. In terms of volleyball, anyway, and he’s awkward and unfamiliar with romance.”

“Then who are you?” asked Oikawa.

“I think he should be 707," a little voice said.

They looked at Hinata. “Why?” Tadashi asked. If anything, he thought he should be Jaehee without the working overtime part.

“Because, I dunno, I just feel like they’re alike?” Hinata’s face turned red.

He saw Oikawa grin in the corner of his eye. “Who’s your favourite character, Chibi-chan?”

“Umm,” the short boy flushed. “V?”

His insides turned cold. Of course it’s V. Tadashi now suspects that the small middle blocker has a type. Oikawa caught Tadashi’s bitter expression, though he himself didn’t notice. Tadashi also didn't catch Hinata's lie.

His phone rang, and Tadashi fumbled for it clumsily. “Hello? Tsukki? What’s wrong?”

“Yamaguchi. Why did you- argh!” He heard a suspicous thump on the other side, and he shrieked his friend's name. 

“Punk, where are you guys, damn it? Daichi-san is pissing himself!” He heard Tanaka’s rough and overwhelmingly loud voice shouting at him. He held the phone a little further from him.

“Wh-wha? What’s wrong?”

He heard the phone getting swapped away by someone. “Yamaguchi,” the captain said.  “Please tell me why 3 out of the 4 first years are not present at practice right now. Are all three of you together right now?”

Oh shit. “Um, yes? And isn’t there no practice today?”

“Didn’t you see the spams of texts from Daichi-san yesterday?”

  
“Um, no?” He checks his texts. Shit. He looks at Kageyama and Hinata. “Did you guys get a text from captain that there was practice today?” He shook his head, hoping they’ll get the signal.

“Um, no,” Hinata said.

“Ye- mmph!” The little boy stilfed Kageyama.

“NO," Hinata said for him. Tadashi flashed a thumbs up at them.

“They didn’t receive anything either,” Tadashi lied. “Hinata and my phones were dead and Kageyama didn’t have Wifi.”

He heard silence on the other line, dread filling him. Finally, he heard Suga’s voice. “Daichi, it’s really sad. No wifi? How tragic.”

He heard sighing. “Fine. Can you guys come now? Takeda-sensei has some announcements regarding nationals.”

“Of course. Give us 20 minutes.”

“Jesus, where are you?”

“At the Miyagi park.”

“What the hell? Okay, just get here as soon as possible.”

In the background, he heard his best friend yell to give his phone back before Daichi hang up.

“Guys, we gotta go. Takeda-sensei has some announcements for nationals. Everything is wrapped up already, right?”

“Yes. Hope you guys get wrecked at nationals!” Oikawa waved goodbye.

“Oh, we’re not the one who got completely wrecked at spring-high,” Kageyama declared.

“Shut up, Tobio-chan. Being mean to me equals being disrespectful to Iwa-chan. You don’t wanna do that, do you?”

“Shut up, Oikawa-san. Being mean to me equals being disrespectful to the team, which includes your best friend’s future lover. You don’t want to do that, do you?”

“Damn. I would be lying if I’m not a little turned on by my little cute kouhai.”

“EW!” Kageyama trips on his disgust, or the ice, or both, because Oikawa would cackle like a witch either way.

“Mm whatcha sayyyyy~”

“Shut up!” With that, the 3 Karasuno members leave for their school and their annoyed captain.

“Oikawa." Ushiwaka approached him when he starts to leave. "The two of your kouhais, Kindaichi and Kunimi, improved a lot during the first-year training camp at Shiratorizawa. More than they can at Seijou.”

“And your point is?”

“You should’ve come to Shiratorizawa.”

“We’re graduating soon. You need to stop that.”

“But in all honestly, you wouldn’t lose like that if you came.”

“Whatever.” Tooru walks away.

* * *

 

Grandking:

˚✧₊⁎( ˘ω˘ )⁎⁺˳✧༚

Hey~~

 

Prettysetter™:

Who are you?

Are you Oikawa-san?

 

Grandking:

Yes ( ´ ∀ ` ), thank you Aka-chan

Btw your name is great because sameeee

 

Grandking changed their name to Sexysetter™

 

Sexysetter™:

(･ω<)☆

_(:3｣∠)_

 

Milkislife:

NO

 

Thebrightsun:

NO

 

Freckles:

NO

 

Prettysetter™:

I don’t really know you but NO

And my name is Akaashi, please don't make such a nickname

 

Sexysetter™:

(T_T)

 

Sexysetter™ changed their name to Beautifulsetter™

 

Milkislife:

NO

 

Beautifulsetter™:

Tobio-chan stop ruining everything everyone knows that it fits me perfectly ｀;:゛;｀;･(°ε° )

 

Thebrightsun:

… did u just try to kiss yamayama-kun

 

Beautifulsetter™:

Shut up u kno that wasn’t what it means

And Yamayama-kun lmao such a nice nickname ur bf made up

 

Moomoo:

Shouldn’t that be for Yamaguchi-san?

 

Thebrightsun:

…

LMAO USHIWAKA MOOMOO

 

Moomoo:

Yes, about that. How do you change the name?

  

Thebrightsun changed Moomoo’s name to Farmemer

 

Freckles:

God Hinata u memed too hard

 

Beautifulsetter™:

Too hard

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Prettysetter™:

…

 

Freckles:

STWAP

KEEP THE INNOCENT SAFE

But frankly Im surprised that it isnt Oikawa-san who did it

 

Beautifulsetter™:

...

But srsly tho who the fuck here would be innocent

 

Thebrightsun:

?

 

Milkislife:

??

 

Beautifulsetter™:

OH

Lmao but can we talk about Tobio-chan’s name

I wouldve thought it was ballislife ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Milkislife:

U kno that's actually not a bad idea but nah

 

Thebrightsun:

??? y the lenny face tho

 

Freckles:

Oikawa-san please

 

Beautifulsetter™:

Ok ok

 

Prettysetter™:

I kno like 2 of the people here who are u guys

 

Beautifulsetter™:

ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ You don’t kno who I am?

Ahem

I am the Oikawa Tooru, the best setter and star player of Aoba Johsai High School

Top of the class, a magnet for women, charms everyone with my beauty, the best all in all

Nice to meet u, a fellow Prettysetter™ (◕ ω ◕✿)

 

Farmemer:

I’m Ushijima Wakatoshi, from Shiratorizawa.

I am acquainted with your ace, Bokuto Koutarou.

 

Freckles:

I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi, the pinch server from Karasuno

I think we’ve talked? I’m not exactly sure

 

Milkislife:

I’m Kageyama

 

Thelittlesun:

I’m Hinata!!!!

Remember me from the thrid gym??? ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/

 

Prettysetter™:

Yes, ofc I remember you

Wait that sounded rude sorry it's not intentional 

But Bokuto-san wanted to adopt you so much that we could never get him to stop talking about it

He's still going on till this day

"Akaaaaghshi! You can be the mom and I'll be the dad!"

 

Thelittlesun:

!!!!!

 

Prettysetter™:

But then ur captain threatened him, saying that Karasuno was his sons and daughters, not Bokuto’s

He went in dejected mode for a while

 

Thelittlesun:

Well I mean it’s really fine

After all if I like someone on the team that would be considered incest so I’d go with you guys, sure!

 

Beautifulsetter™:

Thelittlesun? whos that?

I only kno Thelittlesin

But in all honesty we should get u guys together

 

Thelittlesun:

No its fine I’m pretty sure they like someone else anyway

They always hang around this really cool person and theyre best friends and i think they like each other maybe

If not Im pretty sure they like this other dude whos rly rly talented and theyre good friends too

And u kno who it is?

 

Beautifulsetter™:

Um noooooooo

That’s actually a little sad

And cute

And dumb

Both of you are pining so hard for each other it’s like one of those soap operas

Or those fanfics

 

Thelittlesun:

U KNO WHO IT IS?

 

Prettysetter™:

You read fanfics?

 

Beautifulsetter™:

Jesus stop judging fanfics they are pieces of art

 

Prettysetter™:

Not judging

What fandoms tho

 

Farmemer:

I can recommend some more if you finished the ones already, Oikawa.

 

Prettysetter™:

What fandom, Ushijima-san?

 

Farmemer:

Pretty much every one you can think of

 

Prettysetter™:

Same

  

Freckles:

Same 

How bout you, Oikawa-san?

 

Beautifulsetter™:

Same

Jesus is this the sin club or something

Like don’t deny it we all read smut at some point

 

Prettysetter™:

smh

But id be hypocrite

O right

I came here because I have something to tell you guys

* * *

 

**_In another group chat_ **

_Beautifulsetter™_ added _Godzillaisbetterthanyou, Freckles, Thelittlesun, Wingman,_ and _Creampuff_ into the chat.

 _Beautifulsetter™_ changed the name to _KKK operation_

 

_Beautifulsetter™:_

This is the operation to get 3 idiots together

Aka Kindaichi, Kunimi, and Tobio-chan

 

 _Godzillaisbetterthanyou_ :

Wtf the fuck

Also don’t call them idiots

 

_Wingman:_

HAHAHAHAHA LMAOOOO

WHAT THE FUCK THE FUCK

* * *

 

**_ In another group chat _ **

_Beautifulsetter™_ added _Milkislife, Dinosaursarebetterthanyou, nekoatsume,_ and _Sugarwara_ into the chat.

 _Beautifulsetter™_ changed the name to _Galaxy operation_

 

_Beautifulsetter™:_

This is the operation to get 2 Karasuno idiots together

Namely, Chibi-chan and Yama-chan

 

_Sugarwara:_

Wtf don’t call my sons idiots

Well don’t call Yamaguchi an idiot

Hinata’s fine tho

 

_Dinosaursarebetterthanyou_

_LMAO_

* * *

 

Futakuchi sat down beside Aone and Sakunami. 

"You know, this morning when I was jogging, I saw something weird.“ Aone looked at him and made a curious sound. "I thought I heard Chibi-chan and some other person, maybe the pinch setter, from Karasuno yelling our cheer."

"Whaa?" Sakunami asked. "No way."

"I swear! Who can miss that bright orange hair?" Futakuchi made some hand gestures. "They were like running, and the other person was wheezing it while Chibi-chan was on a bike, I think." 

"Yeah, but that's crazy. Karasuno isn't even near your house. It's probably just somebody else," said Sakunami. 

Futakuchi sighed. "Yeah, I guess. Come on guys, another practice match, now!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *writes fic*  
> Me: This will be good I swear I've got this entire thing planned out it's not gonna be a random blurb of things  
> Me: *abandons plan*  
> Me: *pukes out chatfic*  
> Me: *spits out all the rairpairs*  
> Me: *has no plot whatsoever*  
> Brain: No srsly no*  
> Me: How 'bout I do anyway*  
> Brain: Stop with the outdated memes I s2g  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> IM SO SORRY ABOUT THE MEMES AND REFERENCES. Also this was supposed to be a fluffy collage au Iwaoi oneshot but then I thought that I already had a Iwaoi fic so this thing was born. And now it's a full-blown multi chapter fic and Idon't even know what I'm gonna do but it's gonna be updated because I'm not one of the authors that just leave a fic hanging (or am I?).  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
